The Cycle of Pain and Self-Sabotage!!(Part one)

The pain, hate, manipulation, and passive-aggressive behavior a parent directs toward their child often stem from their own self-hatred, fear, envy, bitterness, and unmet expectations. These emotions surface when they feel unloved, unseen, or undervalued. Without conscious parenting—awakening to their emotions and learning to guide with love—they risk passing on trauma, fear, and ancestral wounds. Yet, children also inherit ancestral wisdom, strength, and a unique light. As the saying goes, “The wound is where the light enters.”

From infancy, a child is guided and protected by God’s spirit, allowing them to sense when something is wrong. If you’ve experienced such pain, forgive yourself, detach, and embrace self-love—even if it means distancing emotionally from your parents. You are not a mistake but a miracle. Choose love, light, and truth. Sit in stillness and let your spirit guide you. Your beauty lies in your awareness, self-love, and discipline. No one can save you but yourself.

Self-sabotage often arises from past trauma, fear, and unprocessed emotions. If ignored, these feelings fester, harming your growth. Triggers like grief, insecurity, or unmet desires can leave you feeling powerless, rejected, or trapped in toxic cycles. This vulnerability may attract narcissistic or emotionally unavailable relationships. Remember: “This too shall pass.” Feel your emotions fully, pray, meditate, and seek solitude. Remove those who lack love, trust your intuition, and value yourself. Detach from what no longer serves you. You can only save yourself.

Self-sabotaging behaviors—like fear, rage, manipulation, or toxic attachments—are often rooted in childhood trauma. If we remain unaware of these patterns, we open ourselves to negative energies during life’s crises. These forces can cloud our mind, body, and spirit, trapping us in pain and disconnection. We become vulnerable to toxic people, energy vampires, and emotional hijackers who distract and manipulate us. Break free by seeking stillness, tools, and practices that heal and purify.

In my line of work as an advisor, in operations, doing workshops,  managing projects & programs as well as coaching executives, I’ve encountered many ego driven, fear-led, controlling, envious, vengeful, unhealthy in competition, and culturally insensitive power hungry adults that are just children in tantrum wanting to be seen, heard, valued and respected, seeking to heal the best way they can, especially in an emerging market. 

I believe we inherit both the sins and wisdom of our ancestors. This wisdom has guided me this far, but in a changing humanity, a profound awakening, and upgrading ourselves to heal from within and evolve to lead our lives in service and not in chaos, fear or exhaustion is imperative at this crossroad. I was not sure why my purpose, fate and passion lead me to an emerging market, but while I cared for my ailing fathers, supported my aging mother, and led a demanding career in an emerging market, it seems being in service keeps me alive, content and in gratitude for being part of creating a new earth. 

Seeking answers as I transitioned from the most wealthies nation in the world to serving in an underdeveloped emerging market and taking care of my father as he passed away, I once asked an Ethiopian Orthodox priest how he brings peace to those burdened by darkness. He replied, “Toxic energy enters during life changes, grief, or when you lose your inner light. We use rituals and boundaries to protect and purify.” His words reminded me of my own strength and connection to God, in spirit, love and surrendering to the unknown, without the need to attach, but become ones authentic, ethical, aware, conscious, and mindful self the best way you can, by living with integrity and sharp as a serpent, but kind as a dove.

Many live in survival mode, clinging to the past, blocking emotions, and seeking belonging in unhealthy ways. This leads to codependency, depression, or self-destruction. Hurt people often hurt others, perpetuating cycles of pain. When triggered, pause, observe, and seek guidance. Connect with nature, pray, and step outside your comfort zone. Find teachers who help you know yourself. If you fail, get tested, get challenged and fail again, try again, you are made in the image of God, more powerful than you think. Everyone you know will betray you, do not betray yourself, forgive yourself and move on, your journey is yours and no one can save you. Those that you are kind, helpful, assisted and loved unconditionally might harm you the most, to deny, hijack, avoid, manipulate, & not be reminded of their past truth you know, forgive yourself as being light, love, peace, joy & refugee for others is a gift, not a burden.

Today, the collective ego has overshadowed feminine divinity, creating a disconnected, fear-driven world. Many parents, consumed by anxiety and competition, raise children in environments devoid of love and safety. Yet, we all carry ancestral wounds and self-sabotaging patterns. To heal, we must awaken, face our shadows, and reconnect with God’s light. Through prayer, meditation, and cleansing, we can shed what no longer serves us and embrace our true selves in truth, integrity, kind like a dove, sharp as a serpent, and empowered. 

You are born in the image of God, a being of pure love. Seek to awaken, forgive, and release what blocks your light. Emotionally distance yourself from those who drain you—even parents, siblings, family, partners, community & society as well as the indoctrination of humanity. Learn from your pain, seek your tribe, and trust your spirit. You are not alone. Those who are brave and connected to God take responsibility, seek tools, and trust the process. Live with integrity, boundaries, and mindfulness.

You are exactly where you need to be. No one can save you but yourself. Seek what is seeking you, and you will find it. Trust your stillness, intuition, and inner light. Detach, let go, and embrace your journey.

Self-sabotage feels like a maze of overwhelming negativity, mind chatter, intense toxic thoughts of self-criticism, boredom, heaviness, and often fueled by a perception of fear, danger, risk, failure, uncertainty, demonic attack by violent person, groups, manipulations by narcist psychopaths, & rejection as well as abandonment of your social expectations and life disaster.  It leads to burnout, anxiety, or feelings of grandeur. 

When life feels dark, pause, be private, isolate in prayer & discipline your mind & body, be sharp, seclude in nature, ground to comeback to yourself, find things you love to do, do not armor in survival but connect to Gods universe in faith, do not share with anyone other than a professional or supportive likeminded people you trust. Seek tools, people, and practices that heal and purify. Accept what is, redirect your life, and serve using your gifts. This life is limited, teaching you whatever you need at that moment, its upto us to envision & seek whatever we want. Take responsibility, be private, release false expectations, doubt & attachment to outdated institutions. Awaken to your peace and authenticity. Live fully, serve others, exude love, faith, hope, purpose, and the best revenge is success, as vengeance is Gods.

You are pure love, made in the image of God!

You are exactly where you need to be! 

No one can save you but yourself!

Seek what is seeking you, & you shall find! 

Trust your stillness, silence, & be sharp as a serpent, kind as a dove!

Detach, let go, release, & trust your process in private!

At every crossroad, remember: you are the knower, co-creator, and observer. Trust your spirit’s journey. 

You are more powerful than you think or imagine. Be still & know it is GOD!

Continue in part two...

By Dutchess@deldeyoch

Conscious. Love. Healing. Purpose. Service.