The Cycle of Pain and Self-Sabotage!!(Part one)

The hate, pain, hurt, suffering, violence, manipulation, mind games, attachment, violence, & passive-aggressive venom a parent directs towards their child often stem from their own self-hate, fear, envy, jealousy, demons, rage, bitterness, expectations, narcissistic behavior, and resentment. These emotions are provoked and triggered when the parent feels unloved, unseen, undervalued, unheard, insecure, anxious, and disrespected in their own life. This cycle transfers trauma, wounds, fear, ancestral traps, mother hunger, anxiety & painbodies, if the parents are not able to practice conscious parenting, awaken, manage their emotions, learn to guide, nurture, advise, & protect in love, to break ancestors curse & traps. With that a child also is gifted with ancestors wisdom, light, awareness, healthy habits, intelligence, access to free will, strength, blessings, purpose, network, and an ability to see the world uniquely. The wound is where the light enters.

At a young age, during inception, and growing up as a child, you are protected, guided, and loved by God’s spirit. This allows you to observe if you are not treated with respect and if something is wrong. Forgive yourself, detach, release, embrace in self-love and acceptance, even if it means emotionally distancing yourself from your parents. You are not a mistake but a miracle. Choose love, light, truth, and sit still to seek how your spirit can guide you. Our beauty lies in our spiritual flow, awareness, light, and self-love, by disciplining our mind and body to guide our emotions, not in control, competition, attack, fear, and power. No one can save you but yourself!

Self-sabotage behaviours are acts, rituals, & cycles driven by past thoughts, memories, fear, & intense eruptions of emotions, often involuntary or unconscious, that shape your sense of self. If these emotions are not properly felt, valued, examined, seen, & soothed by taking responsibility, they can fester & become harmful to one’s interests, growth, and development. These subconscious drivers are triggered & evoked by existential crises, fear, grief, guilt, insecurity, life transitions, unmet expectations, craving, ignorance, desire, aversion, & distraction, that erupt in intense emotions. You may feel gagged, clouded, violated, powerless, hopeless, helpless, possessed, triggered, & cursed when perceived as rejected, betrayed, abandoned, deceived, grieving, and being with emotionally unavailable, hurt, low-vibe & toxic people. Being vulnerable to attaching, attracting & being attractive to narcistic, emotionally unavailable, & toxic relationships. 

“This too shall pass.” Feel it all, pray, meditate, seclude, be still, connect to God, find your peace, remove those who lack love, do not try to belong where people are not authentic, trust your intuitions, you are only responsible for yourself, value yourself, practice self-care, accept what is, and respect your process, detach & know you can only save yourself. Acknowledge all of yourself, meditate, and trust only your spirit connected to God. Seek to unchain, unlock, grow, and go on your own journey and path, to unbecome all that is blocking your authentic loving self from being present. There is no right or wrong, every hurt, pain, suffering, & happiness is temporary. 

Self-sabotage rituals, impulses, and reactions manifest as habits, cyclical patterns, desires, aversions, ignorance, toxic addictions, pain bodies, trauma bonds, cravings, co-dependencies, & attachments stemming from childhood trauma. These self-sabotaging cycle, rituals, & fear that drive your life, habits, and rituals, manifesting as ego, sensitivity, aggression, flight, fear, depression, flee, rage, freeze, anger, manipulation, boastfulness, over-sharing, gossip, control, pathological lying, judgment, aversion, ignorance, bullying, seeking drama, negative intentions, the need to force, unmet desires, suicidal thoughts, hiding, lack of self-awareness, dependencies, hidden shadows, unconscious toxic relationships, tolerance for abuse, and over-excitement in anxiety, are all symptoms.

Suppose we remain unaware, or unconscious, of these intense emotions, unhealthy rituals, cravings, self-distraction, & survival mode habits triggered by fear, doubt, trauma, ancestors traps, and insecurity, we will open ourselves to foreign negative entities when we go through existence crises of life. These toxic energies can influence our mind, body, spirit, & energy, to get stuck in inner child trauma bond, preventing us from being authentic, sharp, alert, vigilant, focused, disciplined, & connected. This allows negative energies, drama, toxic manipulative people, unconscious evil-intentioned, envious individuals, power-hungry society, fear-driven families, insecure parents, doubtful partners, jealous friends, energy vampires, emotional hijackers, & attached heavy dark energies to take advantage of our being, to distract, hijack & drive us to self-sabotage, convinced by the mind that being manipulated, having God syndrome, needing validation, being in savior complex, & attachments are part of belonging.

In my chosen line of work as an advisor, consultant, executive coach & spiritual, seeking to serve my purpose, impact-driven, & living a sustainable lifestyle in emerging markets, I work with & deal with family & friends, that are egoic-minded men & women, driven by power, control, fear, desperation, & competition. I felt humanity had inherited sins from our ancestors, but we have also inherited deep wisdom that has allowed me to focus, discipline & be successful alone as a woman in feminine divinity. In taking care of my father as he was sick and my mother in desperation, as well as leading an enter banks operation, I seeked ancient cultures, religions and spiritual gurus that possess wisdom. I asked a high priest in the Ethiopian Orthodox Christian Church, friend of the family, that does exorcism, out of curiosity, what he does to bring peace, light & ease to people that are juggling alot. He looked at me, waited, and calmly asked me, "Why do you ask?", as if he wanted to understand if the question was from spirit, emotion, mind, evil, or body, reading my energy. 

I calmly said, "I am interested to know how evil, toxic energy, demons, curses, hateful people, envy, vengeance & violent people transfer their negative energy, & how that evil does not possess him as an exorcist.", he was silent for a while, as my father silently sat in between. 

He calmly answered, "Demons, curses, & toxic negative energy enters when you are going through life changes, ignorant, shock of being fired, fear, grief, despair, divorce, being sick, craving, feeling attacked, scared, dark souls, & loosing your sense of love, light & peace within you in grief, despair, & darkness."

He waited a while, let the silence take over, and he answered...

"We as exorcist priests have rituals, cleansing, boundaries, & purifying we do to protect ourselves, guide the dark energy out, and purify the soul."

He then looked me straight in the eye, and knew I was grieving my father & going through a challenging time. I felt his powerful light, as well as my dads silence before he passed away. We all sat in silence, me, my dad & him in the garden, having a spiritual connection, a hug, embrace & soothing, to say you will be ok once he passes away, be strong, your spirit will connect, you are more powerful & stronger than you think.   

Most people are in survival mode, trying to control their environment, clinging to outdated institutions, wanting to belong, replaying their past in regret, & blocking their emotions. They become codependent in trauma bonds, fall into deep clinical depression, get stuck in pain bodies, commit suicide, seek others to save them, become psychopaths, grieve, & allow dark energy to take over in self destruction. This often leads to blocked energies festering to narcissistic behaviors to cope, abusing others, impulsive reactions, getting stuck in grief, and harbouring evil envious intentions in vengeance. Hurt people hurt others, perpetuating a toxic cycle of unconscious self-sabotage, we inherit. But when triggered, observe, be aware, find nature to connect to, seek conscious advise, ask God for directions, go where you are uncomfortable, seek teachers & get to know yourself.

Currently, the collective egoic-minded false state, separated, & unconscious, gives rise to the masculine energy dominating the feminine divinity from self-healing, in an illusionary state of self-distraction. The loss of a mother & father that is a nurturer, protectors, guide, loving, and being the safety for a child, has given rise to fear-driven, power-hungry, competitive, & raising children in anxiety, stress, fear, drama, attachment, emotionally unavailable & easily distracted.  

All 8 billion humans are born with trauma, wounds, sins, ancestors traps, & self-sabotaging behaviors, as we live in a competitive, egoic driven, desperate & separated humanity. The collective egoic-minded false state denies, avoids, hides, masks, gags, & clouds our sense of true self, making us feel unworthy, easily distracted, in fear, & powerless. It takes love, faith, courage, ancestors gifts, being sharp, an adventurous spirit, vigilance, God’s light, religious guidance, spiritual living, deep stillness in prayer & meditation, cleansing, purifying, seeking to heal, focus, discipline, & interconnecting in Gods universe, to seek deep within oneself, forgive, accept, & unchain your heart to unbecome all that is not love. 

The truth within you is God-given, as you are born in the image of God, as consciousness. Seek to awaken, inner engineer, connect, face your hidden shadows, & emotionally divorce people who don’t serve you, even if they are your parents, siblings, family, partners, or friends. Learn profound lessons about what happened to you, leave, remove, delete, block and seek your tribe. Only be humble to God, You are not alone. Those who are brave, courageous, fearless, & connected to God seek help, inner engineer, forgive themselves, take responsibility, seek tools to decode, soothe, embrace, fail, are private, & fail again, trusting the process in love & light. Live in integrity, power, sharp, shield in boundaries, trust no-one not even your egoic identity. Examine your life at all times, be conscious, mindful, and in integrity in the present moment. 

You are pure love, made in the image of God!

You are exactly where you need to be! 

No one can save you but yourself!

Seek what is seeking you, & you shall find! 

Trust your stillness, silence, & be sharp as a serpent, kind as a dove!

Detach, let go, release, & trust your process in private!

The feeling of self-sabotage comes as an intense, overwhelming negative energy, repressed and clouded, feeling like being in a maze. It is easily influenced by ego, leading to feelings of grandeur, God syndrome, suicidal thoughts, burnout, and overwhelming anxiety. This toxic energy takes over when we are unaware, in grief, shock, tragedy, life changes, desperation, trauma bonds, fear, feeling attacked, and deep sadness. The ego is challenged and tested, opening up a Pandora’s box of suppressed emotions, awakening our senses. Our mind, body, spirit, and emotions become unhealed, stuck, and possessed, preventing our spirit from shining in love, light, calm, ease, and peace. We become easily influenced, misdirected, bullied, attacked, violated, and inauthentic. Be still, seek tools, people, situations, and lifestyles that teach us lessons to heal, purify, cleanse, and bring light to our pain, hurt, and suffering. Accept what is, redirect your life, detach, and be open to serving using your gifts, message, and blessings.

This life is limited. Take responsibility for yourself, be private, and emotionally divorce those who don’t serve you, people will never change don't take it personally, learn to radically accept & not hope false expectations. Awaken, find your peace, aliveness, and authenticity within, and accept people where they are. Live the best life you can with your resources, to serve, grow, heal, and find your voice in solitude. Exude love, service, and high-vibe frequency, detached from toxic ones, to not be triggered, evoked, provoked & projecting. What is your true nature (mind, body, emotion, and spirit)? Seek to live in this moment, flow, suffer, fail, detach, be alive, and present without thoughts. Use the tools in religion to serve, awaken, be aware, and evolve to be a better version of who you already are.

At every crossroad, know you are the knower, co-creator, observer, and accept life as you flow. Be private, secretive, a visionary, and trust the process of your spirit to serve in love and light.

You are more powerful than you think or imagine. Be still and know it is GOD!

Continue in part two...

By Dutchess@deldeyoch

Conscious. Love. Healing. Purpose. Service.